The holidays can be equally as stressful as they are amazing. We run around making sure we have finished purchasing gifts for our kids and spouse, making sure our home is decorated like the ones we see on Pinterest, there is enough food in the fridge for all those passing through our door, and that we, God forbid, don’t double book ourselves for a party or gathering. It can be daunting and downright exhausting physically and mentally, especially for those of us that don’t have that picture-perfect relationship with our extended families.
After several years of trying to please everyone else I finally realized that I was in control. I was no longer a child, I no longer needed to be intimidated by the comments some family members would make if I said I wasn’t sure if I would make it to a gathering or if I wanted to leave the party early to get my kids in bed at normal time. I do not need to plan around these gatherings when I had other things already planned to do with my spouse and kids. It was okay to say “NO”. And man, how freeing it was to realize that I could say “NO”. How much peace I gained when I realized that I could say “NO”.
So take it from me…
It’s okay to decline extended family invites. Ask yourself… will this gathering bring me joy? Will it bring me stress? Will I dread getting in the car or will I look forward to it? Ask yourself these questions and be honest with yourself. Realize that your feelings may change from year to year. Be polite in declining or excited about accepting the invite. You have no obligation to attend… it is YOUR choice.
It’s okay to prioritize your child’s schedule over the holiday event. If you know your child will be a miserable monster all day the following day after the late night gathering and you would rather get him/her in bed at normal time to avoid that… DO IT. Do what will put you most at ease. Weigh the pros and cons. If you decide your childs schedule is more important than attending the entire event, or attending any of the event at all, then leave early or stay home and remember… it is YOUR choice.
It’s okay to not give an explanation on why you can’t attend the gathering. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. Regardless of your reasoning on why you must miss the holiday event you do not need to explain yourself. If they pressure you for a reasoning, be confident when you share that it simply isn’t their business. No one needs to know whether you had something already planned or whether you simply can’t stand conversing with half of the people on the invite list. You will connect with those you wish to connect with at another time. Remember… it is YOUR choice.
Most importantly, it’s okay to create your own family traditions and prioritize your own family over others. They are who is most important in your life. They are the reason why you wake up every day. They are why you are trying so hard to ensure that the memories your family has of the holidays year after year are full of love and happiness. This is your life. This is your family. These are your memories you are creating. Don’t waste these moments saying “Yes” to holiday gatherings that will bring you anything less than joy. Remember… it is YOUR choice.
Some may see this advice as selfish. Some may think it’s harsh. I look at it as taking care of my own mental health. Take a moment to ensure that the decisions you make this holiday are ones that will bring you more joy than stress, more smiles than tears, and more love than resentment. It is YOUR choice.
Happy Holidays, from our family to yours!
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