My dad moved on. I don't really know how else to put it. You see, I've had a couple "fathers", but my dad, the man who raised me from a toddler through a young adult, no longer feels like my dad.
I mourn the relationship like he has passed; some days are easier than others while other days I'm overwhelmed with sadness triggered by an event, memory, or holiday. With fathers day coming up you can imagine this is one of the tougher times for me; knowing he is spending the day with his new partner and her family. Celebrating their birthdays, accomplishments, life events while I am continuing to live my life doing the best I can with the most amazing husband and children I could have ever imagined.
This separation didn't happen over night. It slowly began after he met a woman that he then quickly had move in. I've gotten along great with his previous girlfriends but for some reason in the few times I had met her, although I tried, we didn't click like the others. My dad and I continued our daily phone calls, he would stop up for a weekend or I would head down to see him, but slowly that stopped. She didn't like our constant communication... she thought it was "weird", but what she didn't realize that that is how we always were. He was my best friend and I never imagined anything could break that bond; I was wrong.
My repeated effort to save our once stronger than diamond relationship was falling flat. No father daughter dance at my wedding. No more holidays spent with him there to tell his jokes or help mash the potatoes perfectly, the way I like them. No more phone calls just to say hello and see how my day was going. No more last minute visits. No attending his now 2 grandchildren's birthday parties, recitals, baptisms.
I stopped. I finally stopped trying. I was simply exhausted of the reaching out with the only response being a text a few days later, if that. I finally have come to terms with the fact that he has moved on from being my dad however, coming to terms hasn't stopped me from hurting so deeply.
Maybe one day I'll be able to feel less sadness when I think of him. Perhaps one day he will want to be back in my life, get to know his grandkids, see my first home, and become a familiar face in our family photos from summer cookouts and family get-togethers.
Until then, I'll find peace knowing that my children will never have to wonder about their fathers love for them as it is evident that they are so loved by the best dad they could have ever asked for... he will never move on the way my father has.
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