COVID-19 has impacted almost every person in the United States. There have been businesses shut down and schools closed for the rest of the year. With this has come a slew of opinions on how we as parents should feel about having our kids home and how we are to provide academic support for them, meanwhile dealing with our own issues like losing jobs, loss of income, uncertainty, and huge changes to our everyday routines.
One thing I saw over and over again were people criticizing parents for not wanting their children home with them; dreading it perhaps. “Look at this as an opportunity to connect with your kids. We only get this time with them once” Ughhhh I cringe. I cringe because I feel guilty. I feel guilty because although I LOVE my children more than life itself, I’m one of those parents that are bummed about her children being home with them for only God knows how long.
I’m not one of those parents because I just hate the idea of spending a ton of quality time with my kids helping them to learn, playing outside, getting all those squishy extra hugs and kisses. I’m one of those parents because I have a job that doesn’t stop for this pandemic. I have a job that, thank goodness, I’m able to do from home so that my family still has some sort of income. This job is a software sales job which still requires 40 hours a week and a ton of calls to accounts about their engineering needs.
My day consists of responses to my kids like, “Not now honey”, “Maybe later”, “You’re going to have to figure it out, mommy is busy”. Sometimes it involves me muting a call and yelling…. yes yelling, because I asked them ten times to not interrupt my work for 20 minutes. I see their faces with each response I give them. They are disappointed all day long with me.
So when I say I don’t want them home with me, it’s not because I don’t want to spend time with them, I just want them in an environment in which they are given the attention they so desperately crave but I just can’t give them when I’m trying to balance this new routine and it breaks my heart. It breaks my heart because I love them so much and I want to be spending this time with them, but I can’t because I’m one of the lucky ones with a job that I can do from home when there are so many others that can’t.
What’s next? I’m just going to continue doing the best that I can do and ignore the criticism circulating the internet. I’m going to continue to stay home with my family until it’s safe to venture out again. I’m going to continue to work my ass off so my family doesn’t crumble under lost finances. I’m going to continue to love my children with all my being even if it means that I can’t spend this time one-on-one with them… like I wish I could.
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